The Secret Life of
by kashiena
Summary: A series of oneshots about the flock's secret lives. Totally random and hilarious.
1. Dr Martinez

**Okay...this is a story my friend and I are writing together. It's mainly a bunch of our random ideas, but it really is hilarious! By the way, she came up with the whole idea. And she told me to say that. Also, all of the chapters are short. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Jeez...I don't own Maximum Ride. And I really am a big fan...I just like to make fun of it.**

**The Secret Life of:**

**Dr. Valencia Martinez**

It was getting late. I was sure that if I didn't get home soon, Ella would get worried and call the clinic… which is where she _thought _I was. I had told her earlier that I would be working on an emergency surgery- a dog had been running around when it fell into a ditch and broke a few bones. Of course, by now the clinic will have closed, and of course there was no dog, no surgery. I had to make sure Ella stayed safe. The less she knew, the better her life would be. I wouldn't be able to stand it if both of my daughters had to live in hiding- always on the run.

I slipped into the warehouse and pulled on my apron.

"Hello, Valencia," my boss said, nodding towards the conveyor belt I would be working on today. "We've got a whole new selection in. Enjoy!"

I nearly ran to the belt, sitting down on the chair so quickly I nearly fell. The belt started moving and I felt my eyes widen in anticipation.

My fork was trembling in my hand as I reached out and cut a small piece from the large steak in front of me. The first bite was delicious and I had to restrain myself from scarfing down more. Then next steak wasn't as great, but I still enjoyed the familiar flavor.

Twenty-eight steaks later I was stuffed and ready to leave. The boss slipped me a large box as I was leaving and I smiled to myself.

**THE NEXT NIGHT**

"Mom, it seems like we've been having steak a lot recently...isn't it expensive?" Ella asked as I fixed dinner.

"No, I actually got a lot of it on sale. Do you have a problem with steak?"

"No, it's great...and you also seem to be putting on some weight. Sneaking midnight steak?"

I smiled. "You caught me. I just can't help it! I'm addicted!"

**Hehe. A steak tester. We came up with that a few days ago at lunch...so, please review, and if you have anything you'd like to see in future chapters, go ahead and tell us! We already have much of the story planned out, but we'll try and fit your ideas in! And, just so you know, each persons story is TOTALLY unrelated to everyone else's. So don't get confused about that.**


	2. Ella Martinez

**Sorry this was so late...we had a bunch of testing and stuff this week. But luckily, many of the future chapters are already typed, so those should come out quicker than this. But anyways, thanks for reading! Well, when you do...and please review too. Thanks!**

I sighed. I was going to be late for homeroom again. I know crime stops for no one, but you'd think it would at least pause for the american school system! I slipped my clothes on over my costume and stashed my mask and bag of bells in my backpack. School was only around the corner, but I could hear the late bell ringing already.

It was going to be a long day...

I rounded the corner near my house to find Jose, Dwayne and the rest of their gang waiting for me. I had just taken care of them this morning. Not as myself of course, but I still hadn't expected them to get away from the police.

"Hey, Ella. Or should I say Silver Belle? We saw you this morning," Jose said, smiling evilly.

My eyes widened. They had seen me?

"That's right, we saw you. We know who you are. And we have a little deal to make with you."

"You have no proof that that was me."

"Well, if you were, oh, let's say, forced into a dangerous situation, you'd have to use your powers, right? You're no good dead."

I gave him a hard glare then caved. "What's the deal?"

"You turn yourself in, saying that you were the one that beat up Ortiz this morning. And we'll go free, since we told you not to tell anyone in the first place."

"No. You were the ones that did it. I'm not admitting to something I didn't do. Did you even have a reason in the first place?!"

"It's none of your business. I had to teach him a lesson."

I saw a girl come around the corner ahead of me. Jose's back was to her, so he didn't see. Would she help me? Or would it just be one more person I pulled into this horrible situation?

"By beating him up?" I retorted, still scared. "He looks like he got hit by a car. And he didn't do anything to you."

The girl was closer now.

"He mouthed off to me," Jose said as Dwayne and the others laughed. "He exists. He breathes my air."

The girl came up behind Jose.

"So, Ella, what have you got to say for yourself?" Jose said, still not noticing the girl. "Is there any reason I shouldn't teach you a lesson too?" He winked, and I knew he didn't just want to hurt me like he'd hurt Ortiz.

"Three guys against one girl," the mystery girl said, stepping forward. "That seems about even.

"Shut up, chick," Dwayne snapped. "You better get out of here if you know what's good for you."

"Can't," she said, standing in front of me. I glanced at her, a bit impressed that she had the nerve to stand up to these guys, though she looked tough. It was still stupid, though. "Actually. I think kicking your stupid butts would be good for me."

The others laughed, and I once again wondered if she knew what she was getting herself into.

"Grab big mouth," Jose said, and Dwayne and some other guy reached for her.

Fast, faster than I could follow, the girl's leg shot out, hitting Jose in the chest. I heard a snap and he choked, falling backwards. The rest of the guys rushed at her, and she grabbed the gun out of one guy's hand and smacked him in the head with it. Blood spurted from the wound.

I was frozen, in shock, wondering how it was humanly possible for a girl to be that strong.

"Run!" She yelled at me. "Get out of here!"

I did, but only around the corner. If I could change into my costume, I could go help her. I could leave her there. She had saved me.

I rounded the corner again and was momentarily confused. The girl was gone, and every single one of the guys was laying on the ground, moaning pitifully, or not moving at all. I had underestimated the girl.

Though I had done nothing, I took a bell out of my bag and set it in the middle of the group- my mark. Someone would come by later and know that I had been here.

I wanted to thank the girl, but I knew that if she was smart, she'd be far away by now.

So I thanked her silently. My identity was safe- for now.

**Yeah...probably not what you expected, right? I pretty much wrote this one on my own, but it wasn't all my idea. My partner in fanfiction writing helped! And you'll notice I stole some dialogue from the book. So I'll say now that I DON'T OWN MAXIMUM RIDE AND/OR THE PARTS I STOLE/COPIED/ EDITED FROM THE BOOK. Thanks. So...please review! And stay tuned! I'll try to have the next chapter out soon. I think there are going to be... thirteen chapters total. I'm entirely sure on that count right now, though, so don't quote me on it.**


	3. Maximum Ride

**AN: YAY! New chapter! We wrote this one together, literally, Rianna's right here, and...yeah. Hope you like it. This one is...interesting. Max POV, in case you couldn't tell. Well, not at the end. REVIEW!**

I was in my room charging when I heard someone walking down the hall. Quickly I unplugged myself and hid the cord under my bed. I seriously hoped the person at the door was neither Angel nor Nudge- they would know what I was I an instant.

The person at the door knocked.

"Max, can we talk?" Fang asked from outside.

"I guess...what do you want to talk about?"

"Us," he said, walking in.

"You know, sometimes I miss the old Fang. The one that didn't talk."

"At least listen, Max."

"I'm listening."

He sat down on my bed. "I know you're scared of us breaking up the flock, but you and I both know that's not going to happen. I want to know the real reason you keep running away."

I just stared at him, then said, "I'm an android, Fang. I'll malfunction if I get involved with emotions my system cannot compute."

Well, that's what I wanted to say. Unfortunately, even Fang would laugh if I told him that.

Instead, I said, "I think I want some steak. I'm going to go visit Mom."

Fang grabbed my arm as I stood up. "Don't run away, Max. We both know your mom is a vegetarian."

"Um...Ella! Ella likes steak!"

"Max, stop it!"

"What? Jeez, can't a girl be hungry?" Uh-oh, Fang looked angry.

"MAX!"

"I'M AN ANDROID, FANG!"

"Huh?"

"...I'm an android."

"You know, that explains a lot."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Nothing, Max. I'm an android too."

"..."

"..."

"LET'S GET MARRIED!"

**LATER, AFTER THE WEDDING**

"So...why haven't you blown up yet?" I asked Fang as we sat down for dinner.

"What?"

"That's why I always ran away...my system cannot compute the feelings you showed."

"What does that have to do with me blowing up?"

"That's what happens when your system overheats."

"So, then you-"

BOOM.

"MAX?!"

BOOM.

**FLOCK POV**

Iggy walks in. "Hey guys, I brought dessert."

Silence.

"Max? Fang?"

Gazzy, Angel and Nudge walk in behind him. "OH MY GOSH, MAX AND FANG BLEW UP!" Nudge yelled, pointing to the metal scraps on the ground.

"I knew it! I knew Max's secret!" Gazzy yelled. "She likes bombs too!"

**Hehe...nice, huh? Leave it to Gazzy to come to that conclusion. The next chapter's already written, so it should be out either later today or tomorrow. I'm not sure. And I'll try not to forget. :)**


	4. Fang

**Well...guess which one is Fang. You should be able to tell. If you can't, no offense, but you have some serious problems...yeah. :)**

**We decided to go ahead and post this now, since we can. So...enjoy! And review, please! And, um...start reading.**

From: thehackmaster

To: mommyslittleboy

I've got the passwords and the software. Tomorrow at nine?

From: mommyslittleboy

To: thehackmaster

Make it ten. I've got a mother son dance at seven. And have you checked the prez? Are you sure he doesn't suspect a thing?

From: thehackmaster

To: mommyslittleboy

I'm sure. He's supposed to be working in his office all tomorrow night. And Congress thinks he's going to make some changes to the budget. We've got the perfect time, perfect situation- everything's right.

From: mommyslittleboy

To: thehackmaster

Great. See you then.

TWO DAYS LATER

Fang sat, intently watching the seven o' clock news.

"And in our nation's capital today, the president made a surprising announcement that has many politicos scratching their heads. Only three days before this year's budget was supposed to be presented, President Danning announced a stunning revision: He has taken back almost a billion dollars alloted to the military and is channeling it into public education, as well as nationwide shelters for homeless women and children."

Fang smiled, and was glad Max was busy scolding Angel. He hated to use her like this, but she was being paid. There was also another catch to the plan.

"mommyslittleboy" would soon have about a million more dollars in his saving account, and half of it was Fang's.

'It was dirty work, but someone had to do it,' Fang thought. 'I'm just lucky it's me.'

He turned up the new Lime Green song he was listening to and started headbanging.

"OH YEAH!" He yelled over the music of his favorite band. "This is definitely the life."

**VIRTUAL COOKIES FOR ALL REVIEWERS! And, maybe a bit of that 500,000 dollars Fang's getting...maybe.**

**Yeah. _Hi. I'm Rianna, & I don't see Fang as much of a headbanger :)_**

**Kristin again. But seriously, isn't it funny? And I can totally imagine it... Also, we're not changing the ideas we had to fit the new book, which I bought the day it came out...and we've both already read it. It was awesome. I guess this is a long enough authors note, and most of you probably aren't even reading it. But whatever. We've also decided on a special bonus chapter. It's awesome. It'll be the last one, so there will probably be fourteen chapters...I think. :)**


	5. Super Important Authors Note

**I'm sorry...really, sorry. The truth is, I totally forgot about this story. For like, three months? But school was really hectic and I was trying to get my grades up and, well, you know how it is. So...Rianna and I are working on the new chapter right now. I promise. And it should be up in less than a week or so. I AM going to finish the story, since I'm kinda OCD and stuff, and I would rather die than not finish a story...maybe not DIE, but you know what I mean. Yeah, I'm going to stop now, since otherwise I might just keep going on and on.**


	6. Iggy

Quickly, I slipped into the alleyway and stuck on my Incredibles (c) mask. I'm not sure how it sticks...but it does. Chef Tony was busy preparing his special Upside Down Half Pineapple Cake. I knew that he didn't use a recipe, and I'd have to rely on my super hearing to find out all of the ingredients.

I checked my pockets for my voice recorder, and pushed down the record button. I snuck closer to the window of his apartment, then waited.

Like most of the chefs I stole recipes from, Chef Tony was a cooking genius- but I was smarter. I've yet to be caught stealing recipes, even when I use them in contests against their creators.

After recording the recipe, I flew back to my New York mansion to test it out. It worked out perfectly, and deliciously, as usual, and I decided to get some sleep. I'd be flying out to my Paris mansion in the morning for a cooking contest, and I didn't want to be tired.

I slumped down on my bed, tired from the day's work. Maybe I would just take a plane to Paris tomorrow.

A sudden bout of shrieks near my window made me think twice. That was why I had gotten the operation in the first place. I'm not trying to brag, but my fanbase is quite large- and violent. Being able to fly on my own was worth being blind, one of the side effects of the wings.

Rather than spending my precious money on a private jet, which fans could infiltrate (I swear those girls-and sometimes guys- are like spies), I opted to have myself injected with bird DNA, which would protect me from all but the bird fans. Which I do have.

Other than those other mutant bird people that sometimes stalk me. They claim to be my managers...

Whatever species my fans were, I would have to be rested to prepare my "original" Right-Side Up One Quarter Pineapple Cake.

**So, we've finally posted! Personally, I love this chapter... especially the name of the cake. We'll really try to get the next chapter out soon. Possibly sometime this week, though I'm going on vacation. So... review? Please.**


	7. Nudge

**Nudge may be able to keep from rambling aloud, but she can't keep from rambling in her head... Enjoy!!!**

"So, tell us... how do you pronounce your name?"

"Mo-neek-ick-kah."

"Uh...that's nice?" The talk show host looked at me in confusion but turned to smile at the camera and live audience. Which, I might add, were all pink and sparkly. I mean, after all, they WERE cardboard. I don't even know the meaning of a live audience anymore. They even have those things that tell you to clap! Wouldn't it be awesome if someone rigged it to say "Boo"? I'll bet those stupid audience members would actually do it! Maybe Iggy could do that for me...I'd love to see the look on Miss Talk Show Host's face when her unlive (or undead) audience booed her. Actually, I'd rather see the look on her face if her audience were undead.

"It really is." I started telling the familiar story. "My parents weren't sure what to name me. My mom wanted to call me Monique, and Dad wanted to name me Monika. With a K. So that's how they got Moniqueika."

"Yeah...So, Mo-monikua, how's your most recent fashion shoot going? I hear you get to wear wings!"

"Moniqueika. It's going great! The wings are so realistic that I've gotten used to wearing them all the time!! Actually, I'm wearing them right now! Would you like to see them?"

"That'd be great, Mo-mo- can I just call you Mo?"

"No. Just Moniqueika." I whipped my wings out of the hidden slits in my shirt.

The audience oohed and ahhed.

"Can I touch them?" The host, whose name had yet to learn, asked, wide eyed.

I panicked for a moment, but nodded. She seemed ugly enough to believe they were fake. Well, actually, being ugly had nothing to do with it. But she looked stupid too.

"Wow, they're very realistic!"

"Yeah...I said that." I was wrong...she's stupider than I'd thought. I mean, I've heard that blondes could be dumb at times, but never had I seen a blonde who actually lived up to that! I mean, really! She could trip over a wireless phone cord without even trying! Not that people can when they try...

"So, Monikika, how's your personal life been?"

"I'll bet this is something you've never thought of, being a talk show host and all, but my personal life...it's PERSONAL."

She looked taken aback.

"Uh, yeah...sorry about that. What about your public life, then?"

"I would've thought you already knew all of that."

"Uhmm.." Yup, definitely dumber than the average blonde. Not the brightest crayon in the box. Or the brightest lightbulb. Actually... she's probably the dimmest. Have you ever seen a dim lightbulb? I know I haven't. I would assume they'd be super annoying, what with being not bright and all... but I guess that's why lightbulbs never come in "Dim".

" I guess this show is over?"

The host's eyes widened. "No way," she hissed under her breath. "We still have ten minutes!"

Suddenly hit with a plan, I grinned. "Then I guess we'll just have to tune into the... NUDGE CHANNEL!!!!!"

"Huh?"

"So yesterday, I was getting into my car, and Tammy was all like, 'Omigosh, did you get that shirt at Pink? Cuz it's totally pink and all, and I've never seen a pink shirt that hasn't come from Pink. Except for the ones at like, Purple and stuff.' And I was like, 'Yeah, Tammy, I totally got this at Pink. NOT. I got it at Gap. Where they have all colors of stuff!' and Tammy was all, 'Nuh-uh, those stores do not exist!'" -gasping breath- "And I dragged her into the car and drove to Gap and took her inside and she was all, 'Omigosh, dreams do come true!' And then she went and spent like, three hundred dollars, but then she ran out of cash, and she wanted to go to Moonbucks, and I was all, 'nuh-uh, I am not letting you borrow money, cuz you still owe me fifteen hundred from last time.' And she was all whiney and like, 'But that was like, three years ago, and I paid you back, I think!'" -another gasping breath and a quick look at the cardboard audience and Miss Talk Show Host who were gawking- "And then-"

**We had fun with this one. Nudge's rambling are so...rambly. Yeah. Review? We like reviews. Especially relevant ones... (you know who you are- I hope) Yeah, so we'll try to get the next few chapters out relatively soon. :) maybe :P**


	8. Gazzy

**I know this has taken a SUPER long time to post, but we've been kinda busy. Good news: we only have two more chapters to write. Angel's and Celeste's. All of the other (about four more?) are finished. So after the next few, we'll probably post all of them. And then the story will be done! Also, we found the jokes for this chapter online...we quite obviously did not make them up. Enjoy Gazzy's chapter!**

Once again, we were being chased. It was the stupid flying Erasers again... how they appeared, no one knew. Except me.

I felt bad, because I had to hide this from everyone, even Max and Angel. And trust me, it was HARD hiding things from Angel. The Flock never kept secrets from each other, and I knew I would be in MAJOR trouble if Max- or Fang- ever found out about this one. Even more trouble than that time when Max and Fang were gone for a few hours and Iggy and I used their laptop and wristwatch to make a bomb, which accidentally exploded in Max's closet.

Anyway, back to the Erasers. It was completely my fault that they were chasing us. They were secretly after my awesomely hilarious comedian skills, which I revealed to them one night during a test.

Max yelled something, which I didn't hear since I was busy coming up with jokes. The Erasers wouldn't give up until they heard some good stuff.

Unfortunately, I probably should have been listening to Max, because the next moment, a huge explosion blew me, and probably the Erasers, out of the sky.

–

"Hey, I think he's waking up."

"Yay! I haven't laughed in so long..."

"Yeah, stupid Jeb, sending us out on all those missions."

"I hear ya."

"So, how long do you think he'll be out?"

"I just said he's waking up! Besides, how funny do you think his jokes will be right after he wakes up?"

I opened my eyes. Three Erasers, which I just happened to know were Bob, Larry, and Z, were staring down at me.

""Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, 'Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie.'

Britney looks up at the sky and says, 'Where?!' "

The Erasers burst out laughing.

"You were wrong, Z. He is funny when he wakes up. Probably funnier than normal."

"Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins says, 'Man it's hot in here!!!!'

The other muffin exclaims, 'Look, a talking muffin!!!!' Hahaha."

The Erasers were in hysterics on the ground.

"Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'"

The Erasers had tears pouring down their faces and were gasping for breath. Except Z. He didn't seem to be breathing.

"Yo daddy so bald, you can see what's on his mind."

…

"That SO was not funny," Bob said.

"Oh, sorry. Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking."

Bob and Larry continued laughing.

Bob died.

Larry stopped laughing suddenly. "Wait..."

I kicked him in the face.

Larry died.

Just then, Max and the rest of the floc appeared in the clearing.

"Gazzy!" Angel exclaimed, running towards me.

"Woah. How did you kill these guys?" Fang asked, kinda impressed, but kind of annoyed that he wasn't in on the action.

"I'd tell you, but I might accidentally kill you too."

"No, tell us!" Iggy exclaimed.

"If you say so... The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

The flock died of laughter.

I was sad. But I still laughed.

**Yeah...so Angel's chapter should probably be up this weekend, but I'm not promising anything.**


	9. Angel

**So....took a while, didn't it? Sorry about that. Luckily, we only have one more chapter to write! The others are all finished and ready to be posted. _Blame Kris for the lateness. She's lazy :) -Rian_**

**I can't be blamed for all of this....even though I am lazy. Anyway, enjoy! This chapter follows the actual book a little more than the others. Total's chapter will be up soon! (I promise- it's already written)**

When we arrived at school, I noticed Kayla, Meredith, and Courtney getting onto one of the buses. I waved goodbye to Max and the rest of the flock, then joined my friends.

Today was the day. I had meticulously planned this out, convincing the principal to let us take a field trip to the White House. I knew Max would never let me go on my own, so this was my best bet. Today, I am going to change the world. For the better, hopefully.

When we got to the White House, we split into groups and took a tour. I had been paired with a girl named Caralyn, but I quickly ditched her once we entered the building.

The president was in a budget meeting in the private part of the house, but I would have no problem getting in there. All of the secret service just waved and smiled as I passed, and the one guarding the meeting room door invited me in for tea. I don't really like tea, but I drank some anyway.

The president was shocked at first, but after I told him my story, he agreed that it was a good idea. After he saw my wings, he knew that the government couldn't keep supplying Itex with money.

President Danning turned out to be really nice, and offered me cookies to go with my tea. In fact, we probably would have continued talking for hours if I hadn't realized Max was looking for me.

The president offered to walk me back to where the rest of the school was- the visitors' center. On the way, I kind of forgot to make the secret service indifferent to our presence, so they went crazy when we entered the crowd.

Max looked surprised, mostly at the President's appearance.

" Hi, Max," I said. "I got lost. Mr. Danning brought me back."

"Hi, uh, Ariel," Max said, stumbling over my fake name. "Uh, thanks. Sir," she said to the president.

He smiled at her. "No problem, miss. Your sister knew you'd be worried. You've got yourself a remarkable little girl here."

Max's thoughts immediately went to my wings, but luckily, she quickly dismissed the idea. For once, I was happy about Max's many fleeting thoughts. She studied me, as if she knew I had done something, but I just smiled innocently.


	10. Total

**New chapter! Yay! Amazing, huh? it's only been about three days....we only have one more chapter to write, which will be sometime (i'm not going to even guess) and then the rest are finished. Enjoy this chapter. It's one of my favorites!**

As Max was preparing for her date, Total was also preparing for something similar. He transformed, then jumped out the window and ran around to the front of the house. Earlier this morning he had hired a driver to pose as his sister. Everything was in place for the date.

He rang the doorbell.

Fang answered, and Total had a hard time pretending he didn't know him.

"Hi, F-Nick. Um, is Max here?"

The moment he said that, Max appeared behind Fang and smiled at Total.

He shook his head, trying to remember exactly what he was doing this for. The dog biscuits. That's all he needed.

"Hey, Sam," Max said.

"Hi, Max. Ready to go?" Total asked. He wouldn't have to pretend long. Just for this one date. Shapeshifting came in handy, especially when people, like Fang, paid him for his services. It was cruel, really, making Max think she was on a date with a boy, when really, Fang just wanted to see how she would act around other guys. Of course, the REAL Sam will be "reminded" of what had happened on the date by Angel. Fang really was a criminal mastermind.

They arrived at Ye Olde Ice Cream Shoppe after a pleasant movie (Ninja Warrior and the Tin Can), and Total was beginning to get the idea that Max actually liked this Sam kid. He had never seen her this...red.

Max suddenly tensed, and Total smelled an Eraser. But nothing could ruin this date for Max, apparently, because she acted as if nothing were wrong and continued eating.

After the oddly enjoyable date, Total presented the ultimate test on the front porch. As they had planned, Fang was spying from an upstairs window, with Max's back to him.

"You're not like other girls I've met," Total said, trying to sound less like a lovesick puppy...and more like a lovesick human. Not that he likes Max or anything.

"Is that good or bad?" Max asked.

"Good, definitely good," Total said, though he was sure it sounded cheesy.

He put a hand on her shoulder and the other under her chin. He leaned in, just noticing Max's wide eyes, and kissed her. He could almost hear Fang's gasp from upstairs. Oh wait. He could.

His "sister" honked the horn and Total pulled back, laughing a bit.

"Woah."

Max nodded in agreement.

Human emotions are weird...

Meanwhile, Fang, who was now frozen to the upstairs window, gawked.

Max kissed Total. Max kissed Total. Max kissed a DOG. Max...Dog...Max...Total...Total...Dog. Max.

Fang then suffered a shock induced heart attack and died.


	11. Jeb

**So, I know it's been like, a whole year since we've posted, but we've been busy. Anyway, we're probably never going to finish Celeste's chapter, which was supposed to be next, so here are all of the others. I'm not sure why we were so hung up on posting hers first, so don't ask.**

_Jeb in claire's_

Jeb was in the middle of a difficult decision.

He was about to ask the store clerk, but a sudden voice startled him.

"Hello, Jeb."

"My name is JEN!"

-snicker- "Okay then...Jen. How are you?"

"What's it to ya?"

Jen/Jeb was now surrounded by a group of girls who were fascinated by his conversations with himself.

"Jeb, I'm James Patterson."

"That's great, dude."

"You don't know me?"

"Just because you tell me your name you shouldn't expect me to recognize you."

"I CREATED you!"

"Really? Then...do you think you could help me choose?"

"Um...I guess."

"Hello Kitty earrings or Hannah Montana wig?"

"The wig, definitely."

**Yep... that was pretty pointless. But it was written a while ago, so... that's my excuse. I'm not even going to ask for a review. If you want to, though, feel free.**


	12. The Voice

**This is The Voice's chapter... the last chapter will be up in a few minutes. **

Max: who are you?

Voice: look behind you

Max: there's no one here.

Voice: that's not true

max: what's wrong with you? All I see is a tree!

Voice: you see me.

Max: ...you're a tree?

Voice: yes.

Max: how do you always know where I am?

Voice: I follow you.

Max: trees can't walk! Or fly!

-tree levitates-

max: AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHH!

-max punches tree-

voice: ow.

**_Yup... So, do whatever you want. Hopefully at least some of that will be laughing. And, you know, maybe reviewing. Possibly._**


	13. Lissa, Brigid, Akila, Sam, Roland

**This is the last chapter. It involves all of the characters too small to have their own chapter, but too important/hilarious to leave out.**

"Hi, I'm Lissa."

"I'm Brigid."

"Hey look, there's a dog!" They run over and pet the dog, whom they are now calling Akila.

Lissa sees a slightly familiar guy walking towards them. He smiles.

"Hi, I'm Sam. Nice dog you got there."

"Uh, thanks?" Lissa said, wondering why this loser was talking to her.

Brigid was about to reply when an old, fat man jumped out from behind the bushes.

"HAND OVER THAT DOG, YOU KIDS!"

"Oh, is this your dog?" Brigid asked in a sugary sweet voice. "Also, I'm not a kid. Though I'm not as old, or ugly, as you."

The fat man, who was wearing an odd nametag that said 'Roland ter Borscht', looked confused, then nodded hastily.

"Yes, of course! This is my dog...I have to take it to the vet."

"Okay," Sam agreed. Handing over the large, heavy dog who was considerably prettier than her owner.

As Roland ran quickly, yelling "I VIL NOW DESTROY DE SNICKUHS BAHRS!", and carrying the dog, Sam made a suggestion.

"Let's go to Moonbucks."

"WOO!" Lissa yelled suddenly, scaring off a few birds. "CARAMEL MACCHIATO!"

"COFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEE!" Brigid yelled with her. A random guy who they assumed was named Mike popped up and joined them at Moonbucks.

Sam ran off, apparently feeling threatened by this guy with no real name.

Lissa frowned.

"Darn. He was supposed to pay."

**So, in case you didn't get that last part, we're referring to that one guy in the subway in the first book. i don't know if we just missed it, but we never saw his name mentioned anywhere. However, he is always referred to as Mike in fanfictions. **

**That's the end of this story. There will not be any more chapters, but you're welcome to reread and/or comment on the earlier ones. Those are definitely the best. **

**Thanks you everyone who ever reviewed!**


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